Details about this event

Activities you can do

Post about dementia

It makes scents

It just slips out…..”Remember when?”  or “Oh sure, you remember Johnny….”   But, we’re asking that of someone who is unable to selectively remember.  Under normal circumstances a few cues and hints might bring back that desired memory.  But these aren’t normal circumstances.  We confuse the fact that short-term memory is compromised and that memories from events in the distant past are vivid in the mind of the person with dementia, thinking therefore that all memories from earlier days will be, or ought to be, remembered.   In the  bewildering development of this disease, cognitive abilities appear to be disabled in a random order.

Direct statements or questions that challenge our knowledge or memory can place most any of us in an uncomfortable position.  Being put on the spot, so to speak, for whatever reason or intent can create a desire to withdraw or fade into the surroundings.  People who have dementia respond the same.  Especially in the earlier stages.  Even before a diagnosis has been determined, people frequently sense that things aren’t just right.  Withdrawal becomes a coping process.  The more challenged, the more the withdrawal. 

Yet, with the best of intentions and the greatest of desires, the repetition of   ‘don’t you remember?’  Intensifies with each lack of apparent response.  “Of course, you remember….”  “Surely you can’t forget….”   We keep pushing the withdrawal button.  Naturally it is sad to realize that someone doesn’t remember those special moments you’ve shared in life.  But, it’s sad for them, too, realizing there’s something they  should  remember, but quite simply do not and cannot.

There are ways to minimize and avoid placing a person in this uncomfortable zone.  The first and most simple, yet perhaps the most difficult rule is to “Forget the word Remember”   Approaching a topic in a manner that will not require the other person to remember will general a sense of comfort in your presence.  Once this comfort zone is established you will find it is easier to engage that person in conversation or communication.  

Many techniques and approaches are explored further in the caregiver program “Forget the Word Remember”, offered by Ann Frazier, founder of Dementia with Dignity.  For further information contact her at www.ann@dementiawithdignityllc.com